For nearly a decade, I have had the privilege of working with students and their families as an extracurricular coach at Spike Lab. During this time, I’ve witnessed students achieve remarkable success, including winning prestigious awards, securing venture capital, starting businesses, and launching impressive projects that made them stand out in the competitive college admissions process. Many of these students have been accepted into top Ivy League universities, such as Stanford, Harvard, and Princeton.
Through my work, I’ve learned a great deal about the impact of family dynamics on student success. Based on my experiences, I’ve observed four key practices that parents of successful students tend to follow.
The first key practice is avoiding the trap of “snowplow” parenting, where parents clear obstacles for their children to make things easier for them. This can range from handling logistics on their behalf to taking over tasks like writing their college essays. While well-intentioned, this approach can hinder a child’s ability to develop ownership and responsibility. The most successful students learn to take charge of their own actions, especially when it’s challenging. Parents should guide their children but allow them to experience natural consequences, which helps them grow and avoid repeating mistakes.
Second, successful parents respect their children’s unique interests. Many students have niche passions, from baseball statistics to knitting, and supporting these hobbies can lead to remarkable projects and achievements. While some parents may push their kids toward more traditional paths, it’s important to let children explore their own passions. Parents should never steer children toward activities purely for the sake of improving college applications but instead allow their interests to naturally shape their journeys.
Third, parents cultivate independence from a young age. While structured activities are important, unstructured time is equally valuable in developing independence and creativity. When children are given the freedom to manage their time and make decisions on their own, it fosters emotional maturity. Simple choices like deciding what to wear or how to spend free time help kids develop the skills necessary for making responsible decisions in the future.
Finally, successful parents model positive behaviors. Children often learn by example, so it’s essential for parents to embody the traits they want to instill in their children. Whether it’s limiting screen time or staying active, parents should reflect the values they hope to pass on. The best way to teach kids responsibility, hard work, and happiness is by living those principles themselves.
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