Christmas can be challenging for families of those with dementia. The familiar traditions may bring confusion and distress for someone struggling with memory loss. How can carers ensure a joyful holiday while accommodating their loved one’s needs?
After my mother’s dementia became evident, our Christmas gatherings changed significantly. She often didn’t recognize her children or grandchildren, which left her feeling distressed and uncertain about whom to thank for gifts. Finding suitable presents was difficult, as her hobbies like reading and puzzles became frustrating. Even well-intentioned gifts, like an adult coloring book, upset her.
One year, I made her playing cards with family photos to help jog her memory. Another time, she refused to leave her room during dinner. I felt hurt at first but later realized the noise, dim lighting, and unfamiliar stories about people she couldn’t remember—including my father—may have been overwhelming.
Experts recommend simplifying and planning celebrations for those with dementia. Chris Lynch, deputy CEO at Alzheimer’s Disease International, emphasizes the importance of maintaining calm and avoiding surprises. Inform guests about your loved one’s condition and encourage them to reintroduce themselves, even if they’ve known the person for years.
Social interaction can be enjoyable for someone with dementia, but disruptions in routines, unfamiliar faces, and changes in the environment can be disorienting. Ensuring familiar foods are available can help, especially if traditional holiday meals are difficult for them to manage.
My mother enjoyed sitting with the family and eating, even if she didn’t fully recognize the group. Including her in this way helped her feel relaxed and connected.
Emily Ka-Hei Lui, a dementia specialist at Dementia UK, advises sticking to routines as much as possible. Deviating from familiar schedules can make someone with dementia uneasy. If visiting festive displays, keep outings brief and plan downtime to avoid overstimulation.
Above all, Lui encourages carers to be kind to themselves. “Don’t pressure yourself to create a perfect day. Accept help and enjoy the moment for what it is,” she advises.
Christmas with dementia may require adjustments, but with thoughtful planning, it can still be a time of togetherness and joy.
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